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re: An Urgent "Star Wars" Political Problem

to: Office of Sen. Joseph Lieberman

cc: Office of Sen. Dianne Fienstein; Office of Sen. Barbara Boxer; Democratic National Committee, Nationwide Policy Division; Business Administration Office, LucasFilm Ltd.; Association of Image Consultants International; First Trans-Dimensional Church of Yoda (Methodist)


Coalition For Star Wars Values
The Salacious B. Crumb Memorial Center
2819 London Road
Oakland CA 94602


To the Office of Senator Joseph Lieberman,

The Coalition For Star Wars Values is an interstellar-faith based group centered in the San Francisco Bay Area dedicated to the expression and promulgation of community values as represented through the use of The Force. Our organization has long appreciated Senator Lieberman’s principled leadership on issues of particular importance to the Star Wars Fan Community, such as Substance Abuse, Mental Health (including the 1996 Mental Health Parity Act), and of course Teen Pregnancy; we consider his long-term national career an important asset to American Jedi everywhere. As such, our analysts periodically monitor a continuing Star Wars-related problem we’re sure your office is aware of that has potentially far-reaching national ramifications for the Senator: his unsettling likeness to the Emperor Palpatine.

Our regional polling across the 6th , 8th, and 9th California Congressional Districts shows the Senator’s numbers at a three-year low and continuing to trend downward since the May 19th 2005 release of ‘Revenge of the Sith’. We show the Senator’s favorable/unfavorable rating at 41%, with positive “shares our values” responses dropping from 52% to 40% over the 12 month release period. When asked if he “has the moral characteristics to be President”, support for the Senator opens strong at 57%; however, that number drops to an alarming 38% when grouped with Palpatine-associative questions such as “Does Senator Lieberman’s Sith appearance affect your opinion of him?” and “Would you vote for a Sith Lord for President?”. We also show the Senator underperforming across the board when matched head-to-head against Rudy Giuliani, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grand Moff Tarkin, or ‘any Wookie’. Though we lack the resources to fund a broader polling action, we fear these numbers may be indicative of a national trend and urge the Senator to conduct his own research.

The Coalition For Star Wars Values has recognized the Senator in our ‘Friends of The Force’ Ring of Honor since 1997 and intend to name him to our first Contributions List, to be drawn up as soon as a majority of our contributing membership have found employment. In the meantime, in lieu of financial assistance, our organization would like to offer strategic guidance on the Senator’s image management in what can be a sensitive demographic. Though we recognize that elective plastic surgery may be perceived as drastic or overreactive, we strongly urge the Senator to sever all ties, personal and financial, with any and all corporations or other organizations which may have at any time contributed financial or material support to ‘the Dark Side’, and ask that he publically denounce the Sith on the floor of the US Senate in the strongest possible terms.

We’re confident that with these simple gestures, Senator Lieberman will be able to reassure his national Star Wars base and reverse these troubling polling trends. We continue to applaud the Senator’s support of issues important to the Jedi community and to all Americans, and look forward to hearing from the Senator in the near future. May Yoda Bless the United States of America.


Bearing the Love and Concern of all Jedi,
Lord Master Tai-Jan Marzipan

(for informal communications please use my Padawan name)
Ron R Rossi